Family Constellations

"Niek, I finally understand how lonely you must have felt when you started seeing the world differently. Because now, I see it too."

These were the words of my mother.

How many children have ever had such a conversation with their parents? How often does a parent have the courage to say, “I understand you now”? How often does an older generation open up to learn from the younger?

I feel so grateful and proud that my mother chose to walk this path.

If you knew where we came from and could see where we are now, you wouldn’t believe it.

My mother was always very protective and controlling. With the best of intentions, she tried to shield me from the sun, but her shadow created blind spots for me. As a result, I became a sensitive and insecure child.

I only started to see those blind spots when I created some distance from her. Little by little, we both found our way to inner healing.

And, of course, this journey is still ongoing.

She let go of her dyed hair, and in its place appeared beautiful, gray, wise strands.

You can fight the aging process with physical interventions or a healthy lifestyle—and there’s nothing wrong with that—but ultimately, the soul always comes through.

Women who age while growing spiritually transform in a completely different way. They often become more attractive than they were when they were younger, precisely because of the inner work they’ve done.

I am so proud of my mom for daring to walk this path, even at her age. Do you know how much courage it takes to say, I still want to change? Do you know how hard that is? But also how incredibly powerful?

“Wisdom comes with age” is a saying that’s completely outdated. Wisdom comes through experience and lessons. Some people receive and learn those lessons earlier than others.

I currently coach people between the ages of 40 and 50 who are waking up from the matrix. They’ve spent their whole lives working for a boss, taking care of their families, and watching TV in their free time. One day, they realize they want more. That their life needs to take a different direction.

And then the universe says: Okay, here’s Niek.Niek is 35 years old and has spent the last 11 years—since the age of 24—dedicating an average of three hours a day to self-development.

Wisdom comes from the courage to fail. The courage to make mistakes, to learn, and to grow. People used to say to me, “Niek, you overthink everything too much.” Today, I hear, “Wow… I never thought of it that way. Thank you for the advice; I’m going to use it.”

Wisdom means remaining a lifelong student of life. Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at will change.

While many people of her generation often say, “Things were better in the past,” my mother says, “My best years are still ahead of me.” Better yet, she’s living those years now.

How did we repair our relationship? Did we talk a lot?

No, absolutely not. You can never change the world outside yourself if you haven’t first changed your inner world.

My greatest transformation came through family constellations when I still lived in Leuven. My teachers showed me how immense our responsibility is in this life. When you work on yourself, you also work on the generations before and after you. And as a result, your environment responds.

Eventually, you reach a point where you embody the change you want to see in the world. And from that energy, your surroundings begin to shift—not through control, but through surrender, forgiveness, and the courage to release all the guilt and shame you’ve ever carried. And believe me, that process is still ongoing. I, too, am an eternal student.

If you’re struggling with old wounds, I highly recommend family constellations—even if the person involved is no longer alive. As long as you’re alive, it’s never too late. And even if you don’t wish to have contact with that person while they’re alive, the healing happens within you.

Thank you, Mom, for the person you’ve become and for allowing me to become who I am.

The shadow between us has disappeared, and we can truly see each other.

Love and light,Your son,Niek De Graef